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上了名校才知道,人和人的差距其实是家庭和视野的较量!

发布者: L先生 | 发布时间: 2019-8-12 15:36| 查看数: 162| 评论数: 9|帖子模式


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01

经常会听到有人说,读大学有什么用?

你看那北大毕业的还有卖猪肉的,清华毕业的还当保安,我手下刚招来的985大学的高材生,来了还不是要从打杂开始干?

还有人说,你看那些当年的高考状元,哪个成为行业领袖了?应试教育不行,净教出一些死读书的书呆子。

更会有人说,我们公司一招聘,投简历的都是211、985,来了也没发现好到哪去,眼高手低,有的大专生可能还更踏实肯干一点。

以上这些言论,我们从心理学的专业角度,统称为“酸葡萄心理”。

我是个土生土长的北京孩子,小时候,在家门口读一所普通的小学,真的是无忧无虑、天真烂漫,整整玩了六年。

那时候小升初,北京还没有现在的“锁区”政策,我交了狗屎运,阴差阳错进了海淀区大名鼎鼎的X大附中。

一路上,尽管自己只是学渣,但见过太多学霸和大牛,咱没吃过猪肉,还没见过猪跑吗?

  • 一所好学校,对孩子的重要影响,真的是一辈子的。


02

好学校,教给学生真正的努力和拼搏

刚进X大附中,我就发现,只有自己小学玩了六年,别人可都不是啊。

我那时的英文水平,基本限于认识26个字母,估计比现在很多英文启蒙做得早的3、4岁的孩子还差远了;

我的海淀同桌,英文如百灵鸟一样流畅悦耳,看英文电影完全不用字幕,和外教成了忘年交,经常谈笑风生。

她在小学六年,已经能把很多原版的儿童文学名著,如《夏洛的网》《杀死一只知更鸟》等,全书背诵了。

数学、语文、物理、化学,每一科都被学霸们碾压。

坐在我后面的男生,初中就学完了中学数学,开始自学微积分和大学高数;

我们语文课代表,小学就熟读四书五经,能用古文洋洋洒洒地写作;

听高中班主任说,我们学校的一位学长,爱好天文,天天去学校的天文台观测,国内外天文权威刊物发表论文。

因为贡献重大,国际上把一颗小行星,以他的名字命名,那时他16岁。

上中学之前,我一直以为自己怪不错的呢。

上了好学校,才知道自己多么才疏学浅,才知道差距有多大,才知道应当多么努力,才能取得好成绩。

幸而我从初中开始住校,晚自习的时候,能24小时、近距离观摩这些学霸、牛人是怎么努力的。

作业?

课间早就做完了,晚自习上,X大附中的同学都在复习、预习(除了那些做国际奥赛,和自学大学内容的)。

我晚自习的同桌,在我们普通班排名前几名。

她每天晚上,把每个科目,每天学的内容,各做5、6本课外练习册来巩固(她做得真是飞快,她做5、6本的时间,我差不多勉强能做完1本)。

做完习题,她还常有时间“放松一下”,把语文书上的古文,翻译成英文;再把英文美文,翻译成古文,后来她本科就去了普林斯顿。

上了好学校才知道,从来就没有什么不劳而获的成绩,也没有什么随随便便的成功,每一分进步,背后都是一步一个脚印的辛勤努力。

好学校,带给学生视野和见识

初中的时候,网络还不发达,信息很闭塞,那时,我根本不知道美国大学为何物。

睡我对床的学霸姑娘,酷爱二战史,梦想是考上美国的“西点军校”。

我问:“为什么?”

她告诉我:“西点军校除了培养出了美国最多的将军(麦克阿瑟、艾森豪威尔、巴顿将军……),还培养出了世界财富500强中,1000多名历届董事长,2000多名副董事长,5000多名历届CEO。全美国任何一所商学院都没有培养出这么多的管理精英。”

我深深惊叹于她的视野、见识和梦想。

于是,我就把自己的梦想,从“当个白领”,也改成了“考上西点军校”,你看,孩子之间的影响力是多么大啊。

后来,尽管没有真正去报考西点,我在追求这个梦想的过程中,跟着对床的姑娘,读了十几本详细的二战史,还看了很多二战纪录片(尽管现在都快忘光了)。

为了军校的身体要求,我俩非常努力地锻炼身体,每天跑1200米、跳几百阶台阶、100个仰卧起坐……

我们还为了留学的梦想,特别努力地学英文。

我从初一班里英文最差的学生,发奋努力,每天背诵一篇新概念三/四,还利用寒暑假,把老友记看了差不多10遍,高一时英文统考,我考了全区第一。

初中时,我们学校离北大清华不远,有很多非常精英的书店。

同学们相互“攀比”,抢着买过期的原版华尔街日报、经济学人,还有“经济全球化”相关的书。

其实我感觉买了也看不懂,但这种“攀比”还是比“比吃比穿”强多了。

多少年后,看到英国BBC曾拍摄纪录片《50UP(人生七年)》常想起当年的买过期华尔街日报的日子。

纪录片展现14个孩子,50年的人生轨迹。

7岁时,来自精英家庭的John和Andrew已经习惯了每天看《金融报》或《观察家》,而贫民窟孩子的理想,是能少罚站,少被打,吃饱饭。


50年后,几个精英家庭的孩子,上了好学校,找到好工作。

三个中产家庭的孩子,有一位成为精英,两个依旧中产。

而几个来自底层的孩子,包括他们的后代,依然常常与失业相伴。

  • 知识改变命运背后,也是一场关于家庭和视野的较量。
  • 03


上大学的时候,一位最好的哥儿们,在姑姑的影响下,10岁就给自己起了英文名叫Stanley,因为从小的目标是要进“Morgan Stanley”(摩根斯坦利)。

他有个令我佩服得五体投地的习惯,大学四年,每天都要仿写几篇华尔街日报的文章。

一来熟悉金融市场,二来练习英文写作。

他是这样做的:

先读一篇文章,然后背扣过去,用自己的话盲写一遍。然后对照一遍,再背扣过去,再盲写一遍,直到几乎和原文用词一样为止。

去年,他从高盛辞职,进入美国最大的私募股权公司,成为最年轻的合伙人,他也是管理层唯一的亚洲面孔,年薪几百万美金。

他的美国同事,需要写文章,都请他写——土生土长的美国人,英文写作还不如高中毕业才去美国的中国留学生。

条条大路通罗马,有人出生在罗马。

出生在罗马又如何?只要足够努力,有宽广的视野和抱负,凭什么就不能在罗马叱咤风云呢。

另一件事也令我至今难忘。

高中的时候,我的两个朋友,申请去做了校图书馆的志愿者。

我当时还心里小小地鄙视了人家,图书馆志愿者,不就是每周去码书么?

后来,事实证明了我是多么愚蠢。

那时候,普通学生每次能借2本书,图书馆志愿者,能每次借5本书。

我荒废了时日,高中时没顾得上读多少书,这两个同学,每周末回家的时候,旅行箱里都装满了书,周而复始。

她俩用了高一高二两年时间,全面扫荡了我们高中的图书馆,每人读了几百本书。

高三的时候,她们收心学习,一人考上北大,另一人考上清华。

大学毕业更令人叹服,上了北大的姑娘,研究生去了普林斯顿,成了国内环境学的专家;

上了清华的姑娘,去哈佛读博,现在成了美国知名大学的终身教授。

去了好学校,能大大拓展我们的视野和见识,让他亲眼看到,牛人到底是什么样子,差距有多大,自己要向哪个方向努力。



好学校教给学生,学习并不是最重要的事儿

高考那几天,我上吐下泻,少考了40多分,踩线进了号称全国第三的大学,因为分数低,被调剂,进了一个非常奇葩的专业。

我不甘于调剂,考了托福SAT,申请转学去了美国。

在中国大学的时候,感觉上进=考证。

学长学姐告诉我:“管它什么证,都去考。你是北京人,也要去考普通话的证。总之,多一个证就比少一个证好。”

除了考证,好像没有什么办法变得更优秀。

出国之前,我满脑子是“好好学习”——每门课都考A+,考出接近满分的GPA和金光闪闪的GRE,得到教授的推荐信,申请牛校的研究生,然后去华尔街或硅谷找一份光鲜亮丽的工作。

总而言之,成为一个精致的利己主义者。

刚一进校门,我的整个人生观价值观都被颠覆了。

  • 在美国大学,大家都在忙着改变世界。
  • 04


一个读博士的学长,出身贫寒,看到美国大学图书馆成吨出售1美分的旧书(其实就是白送啦),而自己贫苦的家乡,留守儿童们穷得根本没有书看。

他成立了帮助农村儿童阅读的公益组织,每年几百位留学生到农村支教,还给很多贫困的村子建立了小学图书馆,帮助了成千上万的农村孩子。

一个比我高一级的学长,因为自己给国内父母打电话不方便,创办了美国前三名的华人电话卡网站。

那时他才大三,每月营收上百万美金。我们用他的电话卡平台联系国内的家人朋友,又方便又省钱。

还有更多的同学,因为买中国食材不方便(冬菇、粉丝、茴香、花椒这些美国超市可没有啊),开创了中国超市;

因为太想吃一口家乡味道,开了正宗的中国饭店;

因为经常当国内亲友来美的“地陪”,开了全美连锁的大型旅行社……

有的同学,还读本科呢,不仅学费生活费自己赚出来(美国学费一年30万啊),还能补贴家里,真是太牛了。

被深深震撼之后,我开始思考:

不要只是做一个精致的利己主义者,要改变世界,要帮助、影响更多的人。

大学期间,在他们的影响之下,我前前后后打了十几份工,寒暑假也到处实习、实践,一来锻炼自己,二来减轻家里供我读书的负担。

好学校给学生最优质的人脉、圈子、资源。

名校不能确保人生的上限,却能设定人生的下限。不止给了学生敲门砖、入场券,还给了人脉、圈子、资源。

前面提到的Stanley,就是靠紧密的校友网络,写邮件、打电话、教授推荐、和华尔街工作的校友见面,找到的第一份工作。

尽管没进入10岁时的梦想摩根斯坦利(投行界的第二),却进入了高盛(投行界的老大),妥妥成了华尔街精英。

很多人都知道耶鲁大学最神秘的精英组织“骷髅会”吧?

从这个骷髅会里走出了3位美国总统、2位最高法院大法官,还有无数美国议员以及内阁高官。

经过185年的繁衍生息,从美国白宫、国会、内阁各部、最高法院以至于中央情报局,骷髅会的成员几乎都有任职。

这就是人脉和圈子的力量。


当年北大毕业卖猪肉的陆步轩,曾经让天下人耻笑,北大校友陈生邀请他合伙成立“屠夫学校”,创立了全国超市都在卖的“壹号土猪”品牌,现在两人身家过百亿。

  • 除了人脉和圈子,好学校还提供了最优质的婚恋圈子。


05

我高考之前,妈妈鼓励我,好好学习。

你考上什么档次的大学,很有可能将来男朋友就是什么学校的哦。

但这也是实情。

《中国家庭发展报告2016》显示,1980年以后,越来越多的人,选择与教育背景相似的人结婚。

“男高女低”的婚配模式越来越少,通过婚姻实现阶层跨越,越来越难了。“你是谁,就会嫁给谁”。

我的朋友圈子里也是这样,有的夫妻都是藤校毕业,有的夫妻都毕业于沃顿,有的夫妻一个北大一个清华。

学识影响眼界,眼界决定格局,而格局影响人一生。最怕你一生碌碌无为,还安慰自己平凡可贵。

这世界就是,一些人总在昼夜不停地努力,而另外一些人,起床就发现世界已经变了。

每一个大学生都是从学生时代过来的,孩童时代的经历,中学时代的境遇是我们开启大学生活的关键经历。
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